Day 33: The Big Monthly Review

So. I just read back all the entries so far. I’m going to try to summarise the bigger events and recurring themes, then I’m going to decide where I should go from here.

The month as a whole has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Meditation first, I think. 

Meditation

I’ve had insights and observations and changes that seem to have happened just because I’ve been trying to meditate for just fifteen minutes every day.

So, on the plus side, I’ve had moments where I’ve felt quite deep insight; I’ve had a series of bizarre dreams; I’ve slept more deeply; I’ve had at least one moment of blissful contentment, where I’ve felt that everything was right with the universe.

I’ve had more awareness, certainly, although often it’s been awareness of stuff which isn’t so good: awareness of my own tiredness, and the high levels of tension I seem to be feeling.

On the negative side, I still don’t seem to be much better at meditation now than I was at the beginning of the month. I’m still quite distracted and distractable. I’m feeling maybe a little more focused, but not much.

I do feel like I’m on the brink of something, though. That’s lessened somewhat since I went on this stag do and tired myself out completely as well as skimping on the meditation, but I think I’ll be walking back towards that brink if I carry on and throw myself back into it.

And I think it’s the brink of something that’s going to be interesting.

Fundamentally, I’m not sure I can really describe or quantify it, but I feel that I’m just fundamentally happier, more at ease with myself and my mind, my emotions. I feel more… integrated, I suppose.

And that can only be a good thing.

Other things: I’ve decided not to carry on with Sri Chinmoy, but I’ve not yet found any other teacher. I could probably use a teacher. They say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, but I’m thinking I may want to give that process a bit of a kick-start :)

I’ve found out that walking meditation can sometimes work for me, but that I’m not very good at keeping up my practice when I’m away from home.

Oh, yeah: and I’ve found out that incense makes me sneeze.

Writing

On the writing front, I started the month with the article on Second Life, I followed up with WiTricity, and I’m just about to start work on an article on superstition. I also came out with a big essay on pens versus keyboards. And I took a half-day course in freelance journalism… Basically, things have been moving.

The meditation, I think, has helped me be more aware of stories out there in the world that I could use as a basis for my writing, too.

I think I’ve also decided what I want to write, the general direction I want to go in.

And here’s an interesting thing: I wanted to write every day, but I didn’t — except that, of course, I’ve been writing in this blog every day. I’ve written more than 12,000 words since I started, averaging nearly 400 words a day.

Which is good, but fundamentally, it’s not sustainable, and it’s not terribly interesting for anyone else. This “blog” so far has been a mediation diary for my own use, and it’s been on the web simply because that’s the easiest place to diarise these days — you can do it from anywhere and you’ve automatically got an off-site backup.

But I don’t think I’ll need to be so detailed in the future.

The Future

So. I’m definitely going to continue with the meditation. I’m going to carry on as I am, at least, and try to do better, in fact, making sure I do my 15 minutes every day, and maybe throwing in an additional, longer session now and then.

But what I’m not going to do is blog about it in great detail. I’m going to do a weekly meditation catchup, to keep myself on track, and I might make very brief (offline) notes to chart my daily progress.

What I’m going to do, you see, is to take the time I’ve been using to write three or four hundred words about the meditaiton every day and use it to write articles, blog entries, maybe even stories. I’m going to get into a real writing practice, I’m going to write articles for the Null, I’m going to expand little observations into bigger pieces, I’m going to write little chunks of fiction…

I’m going to write things that might interest people, in other words, as well as giving me decent writing practice.

I don’t know how much of that will happen here. I think my first “alpha” audience will be my friends on LiveJournal, although what I may end up doing is publishing more polished, finished product here. Only time will tell.

I’ll still use this as an outlet for talking about my writing, for tracking my publications, and for recording any important thoughts and insights on meditation that I have. But for now the experiment is over, and it’s time to concentrate on writing about something other than meditation.